On his April Fools Day appearance on the Late Show with David Letterman, John McCain turned Letterman’s monologue into a dazzling dialog of insults….

“He looks like the guy at the hardware store who makes the keys,’’ [Letterman] said, according to a transcript provided by CBS. “He looks like the guy who can’t stop talking about how well his tomatoes are doing. He looks like the guy who goes into town for turpentine. He looks like the guy who always has wiry hair growing out of new places. He looks like the guy who points out the spots they missed at the car wash.’’

Then Mr. McCain walked out on stage.

“Hi, Letterman,’’ he said. “You think that stuff’s pretty funny, don’t you?”

Then Mr. McCain unleashed a slew of his own you-look-like-a-guy jokes at Mr. Letterman.

“Well, you look like a guy whose laptop would be seized by the authorities,’’ Mr. McCain said. “You look like a guy caught smuggling reptiles in his pants.’’

Mr. Letterman interjected: “Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it.’’

Mr. McCain continued: “You look like the guy who the neighbors later say, ‘He mostly kept to himself.’ You look like the night manager of a creepy motel.’’

“Well, that’s what I need,’’ Mr. Letterman said.

Then Mr. McCain delivers the coup de grace: “And you look like the guy who enjoys getting into a hot tub and watching his swim trunks inflate.’’

Last spring, McCain announced his intention to run for President on the Late Show with David Letterman. In February of this year, Letterman presented the Top 10 List – Signs John McCain Is Getting Too Cocky.

As USA today notes, the weighter matters were also discussed.

Letterman: “Now, quickly, John, and I hate to say quickly, 4,000 American men and women soldiers dead since we went into Iraq, another 30,000 wounded, untold Iraqis dead. We rarely hear that number. What would that number be? A quarter of a million, half a million?”

McCain: “I think -– it’s hard to make these estimates, but it’s in the hundreds of thousands, obviously, and millions more fled the country. This has been a very, very tough and frustrating time.”

Letterman: “Exactly, and irrespective of one’s view at the time, because everybody knew there needed to be some action and everybody was more or less, absolutely, not more or less, absolutely in favor of doing something to find out why we were attacked and right that wrong. Now, knowing that it maybe wasn’t proper course, what the hell are we left with? You say we’re going to have troops in there for a long, long time.”

McCain: “Could I clear that up?”

Letterman: “Well, I understand what you’re talking about. You can’t just walk out without a presence. You just can’t leave that mess.”

McCain: “Exactly, but also what I meant, Dave, really was that after the Korean War, we left troops in Korea, after the war in Japan and Germany, we left troops there.”

Letterman: “Not ideal, but that’s what’s called for.”

McCain: “And they provided stability in the region, but this, I’m not talking about having a war that lasts for a very long time.”

McCain’s remarks about the long war inspired “John McCain is Dr. Strangelove.”

More commentary and the remaining videos of the John McCain appearance on Letterman at Hot Air.